“Understand”- a compilation of a year’s worth of 3am writing sessions

There’s a girl smiling up ahead
Laughing along with her friends
As if she didn’t have a care in the world.
Boy, is she a damn good actress;
She sure knows how to play make believe.
Have you noticed her laugher is full of lies?
How she says a word, then suddenly holds back
And when someone asks “what?”
She denies.

Each day for a week, month, year
She tries to speak up but she can’t.
She exudes every ounce of anguish and guilt she has
Into a bottle and shoves it away
She continues to live life
Concealing and squeezing out her pain
But little did she know that her bottle with fill up
Before she knew it, it was too late.

The girl up ahead, have you noticed her sleeves?
How she never scrunches it up.
Have you noticed her sudden interest in bracelets?
“Wasn’t she a necklace person?”
Of course you didn’t, however;
Why would you?
“She’s probably cold; she likes bracelets.”

She wouldn’t expect you to realize, though.
Not a soul could know, she vowed.
That her sanity is behind a blade.
She can’t let her secret out.

She didn’t want to cry for help
Every time she dried, she turned her back away.
No one would understand,
No point in trying it out.
She couldn’t bear to hear the words
“I understand”
Because no one ever does and no one ever will
Know the feeling of time standing still
And how she’s drowning in her sea of pain
With her heavy and hollow heart weighing her down
Every gasp of break shakes her muscles
Every thought frazzles her mind
her mind feels blank and lost,
yet,
Thoughts are racing faster than light.

“You don’t understand. You’re wrong.”

This is a constant state of mind
It’s her reason for her insomnia
And her 3am cries.

She waited at the doctor’s office last night
Staring at the blank white walls
She was told out to full a stack of papers
That would help determine what’s wrong.
“Don’t worry; it happens” doctor said,
“Take deep breaths and you’ll be fine”
If only she understood that she can’t.
Nothing can heal her state of mind.

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“Understand”- a compilation of a year’s worth of 3am writing sessions

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