reflecting

I’ve been told that avoiding is the best way to get over it. It’s the most effective way to get over someone. I’ve tried, and failed. It does the opposite to me. You told me to try to overthink, but overthinking makes it worse. Overthinking makes me long for it more. I know people can forget all about it, but how? I’ve seen it with my eyes and it’s killed friendships.

I can’t bear to let that happen to us.

But how do you get over someone who you’ve shared so much of yourself with? Someone who understood you and never failed to be there for you during your times of need? Someone you’ve just been close with for years? Someone who you’ve shared your thoughts without fear of judgement? Is it really that easy to toss away memories that make you grin from ear to ear?

Because I can’t, no matter how hard I try.

I find it hard to delete the messages you sent me. And no matter how much it hurts to look back, I catch myself smiling, because at least I know it happened. I find myself amongst things that remind me of you and what you’ve said to me and I can’t help but smile for a second. Everything has resonated in me, good and bad. I may not know if they were truthful or not, but I know for sure that everything you said has made an impact on me, and I’ll never forget that. Because in that moment, I was content, and at least I know that for once I was happy where things were going, even if it was only temporary.

And I’m learning to accept that.

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reflecting

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